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Posted by : cj on Monday, November 14, 2005 - 11:10 AM
Poetry:  Click On The Author's Name .
All rights reserved. No part of this material may be reproduced
in any manner without permission from the author.

If you would like to visit San Freedom, click here.

The poetry below contains adult language and themes and is intended for a mature audience.


By C. J. Laity

Take My Identity, Please

They say I should worry about identity theft
They say that you might steal it
Well you can have it
I hope you do steal it
That would be poetic justice
Suddenly you would realize you're stuck with it
An all-consuming phantom you swiped like a card
And you know you can't just give it back
Because I don't want it
You can keep it
There, I'm leaving the keys in the ignition
With the door unlocked
It's your identity now, not mine
You wanted it so badly you had to take it
So live with it
Now you're the broke ass motherfucker
Living on a twin bed in a seventy square foot room
Everything from your Lincoln Square apartment
Jammed in there like a mockery of the past
That was your girlfriend who dumped you
Not mine
Off somewhere fucking her new lover
You stupid schmuck, you congratulated her
For cheating on you and playing you for the fool
They weren't kidding when they said nice guys finish last
I'll make sure that I forward all your mail to you
Because now it all belongs to you
All those lovely past due notices
It's your social security number now
I'll make sure the Northland group gets your listing
So that they can call you three times a day
Hoping you won the lotto
Have a good time talking to the IRS, Mr. Laity
I guess you bit off more than you can chew
Now the crazy neurotic egocentric narcissistic e-poets
Can fuck with you instead of me
Can kick you when you're down and vilify you
Can take advantage of the work you do
And then complain when you ask for a few dollars
And when you can't take it anymore
And you bitch slap that trailer trash right back
And her dumb ass brain dead bald boyfriend
Writes personal shit about your underwear
That only Jerry Springer could understand
They'll all say what a bully you are
Have fun with my identity, asshole
That was you on the TV, not me
You looked so gay it wasn't even funny
CNN cropped your words and pieced them together
So that you said what they wanted you to say
Here, I'll help you carry it away with you
It's all yours, everything I own
These clothes that I've been wearing for years
These sneakers that stink to high heaven
Those unexplained scars that suddenly appear on your wrist
And the hair that sprouts all over your body
Your belly bloats and you fart like a foghorn
And unless you douse yourself with cologne
You'll smell like a goat in a shit pen in summertime
How does it feel to have my identity
How does it feel to be wearing my cock
Stiff as a carrot when you're alone in bed at night
But for some unexplained reason it hides like a turtle's head
When confronted with someone you might love
Take advantage of it while it lasts
Because that's all you're likely to get for a while, buddy
So you hacked into my life and stole my identity
Great, now you're the one who is forty years old
Without a career, without any insurance
Can't afford to get a tooth pulled
Now it's your mother who is screaming on the phone
At Christmas time nonetheless
Telling you what a bad person you are
Tainting your relationships with her tales of abuse
That's the reflection of your sad eyes in the ornament
There isn't a present with your name under the tree
Santa gave you a stocking full of pain
Because he knows it makes you write better
Take this keyboard and write dammit write
Are you having a good time with my identity
I'm glad you stole it
I'm glad it is gone
I've never been happier than I am now without it
Thank you
My slate has been wiped clean


Despite the scars on skin and psyche
I decided to ride that fucker once again
Even though it had thrown me off
Like Raggedy Andy so many times before
Once I didn't make it out of the pen
Once it broke my arm like a toothpick
Once I went flying into the stands
Once it kicked me when I was fleeing
Once I hid behind a barrel with the clown
Once I was catapulted like a pumpkin
Once it's stride put me under a spell
Once it bit down and tore my wrist open
Once it left me with spots floating elastic
Once I chickened out and simply said fuck it
But there it was looming before me
Huffing and dragging the dirt with its hoof
Drawing lines like notches in a gun belt
With a big brass ring attached to its nose
So much fire coming out of its nostrils
That one would think the county was ready to explode
It looked me in the eye as if to say
You've gotta be kidding kid give it up already
Haven't you had enough of my wrath
It always ends the same and you know it
With your face in the dirt with your wind knocked out
Just to be a dork I wore a Jim Morrison shirt
Leapt upon its back and heehawed to the world
It could not believe my gall and it squealed
Yeah that monster started huffing and kicking
Whacking jacking jerking and ticking
But I hung on this time like a Zen Buddhist
At first my legs flopped like the wings of an ostrich
My fist gripping the saddle handle like a trailer on a hitch
But then an epiphany popped like a bubble
A feeling of well being engulfed my sentiment
And I let go of the horn and crossed one leg over the other
I might as well have been doing my taxes
That is in the fantasy world where I make any money
I might as well have been knitting a sweater
Or fucking on Viagra or planting an onion
Because I stayed on through the ups and downs
Through the side by sides and stops and goes
Through the stinky sweat and blurred vision
Cracked open a beer as that cocksucker roared
Shattering the gate to the outside world
Into the streets and across an orange sunset
I sat there as the morning dew purred
It kept up its pace and I kept riding
Through a snowstorm of glass as it went through a window
Lit up a fag as it beat itself against a wall
Trimmed my nails as it knocked down the cubicles
Lathered my jaw as it plowed down people
I don't know what it was that came over me
Maybe I just didn't give a flying fuck
I simply decided to stay on and nothing could stop me
Nothing it could do could toss me off
That son of a bitch was legitimately furious
It bucked itself right out of the city limits
But I merely stretched out and built a small fire
Licked the tip of my pencil and wrote an epic poem
It's violence flailed through every change of weather
Through a generation gap and the start of a war
Only pausing now and then to gasp and to grunt
Hunch back firm and take a big dump
It once jumped up on a little red sports car
Flattened it silly with a massive attack
I yawned and rolled over, content to be on its back
Scratched my sack and let out a jaded snore
After so long it grew tired of struggling
It must have given up as it began panting
Walking around dazed in a state of depression
Its eyes vacant like manhole covers
Looking back at me in anguished defeat
It slunk its head down and gave up the fight
As I road through town high on my prize
Waving at strangers, showing off my hostage
I had been part of it so long it felt like we were one
Even then I would not dismount, as if to set a record
Though my partner no longer cared about our relationship
Slinking around like a frozen field ox
How long had I been up there high in the sky
How carried away had I become with my victim
I looked around and discovered I knew no one
Houses had been torn down and replaced with condos
Friends had changed their numbers, had moved away
Everything I owned had been neglected
Repossessed or thrown out onto the street
And as the animal that I had conquered
Dawdled by a pond of ducks and canoes
I saw my reflection in the dark water
My hair had turned gray and my teeth were rotted
It dawned upon me that this wasn't forever
So I lost my balance and gravity took over
Before I knew it I had hit the ground
The blasted beast lifted its tail and released itself
Then it reared up and kicked me into the mess
Darted away to its life without me
Leaving me there
With my face in the dirt
With my wind knocked out
Once again


I sat down next to you on the train that morning
For one brief moment, I thought I could like you
But then I had a certain deja vu
Call it a premonition that it would soon make its appearance
Knew you would pull it out of your pocket like a baby kangaroo
Could tell right off the bat by your fake eyelashes
By the stench of your perfume, by your starched hairdo
It only took 28 seconds for you to whip out your circuit board
Held to your ear like a silver seashell
I don't care if it shivered in your pants like Missy Elliot
You had to show it off, play a game on it, send a text message
Of absolutely no importance whatsoever
Snap a photo of your furry rabbit
Email it to yourself and open it for no one else
So I changed my mind, I don't like you
Because I caught you worshipping your cell phone
You were pampering it like a little embryo
That you zip up for safe keeping in your waist pack
You have a superficial ritual that turns me off
I bet you buy it brittle clothes all pink and purple
Go online to teach it how to sing
You gave your prize possession a loving look
Maybe you think you are cooler than cool
Or is it possible you felt my eyes upon you
Wanted me to know there is someone else
Inside the liquid crystal display
Used it like a wedding ring to fend off a potential pervert
Who is the pervert when it is glued to the side of your face
And you are saying Schnookum as if nobody else can hear
I'm sure most of the time it is not visible to the naked eye
As you walk down the sidewalk making people get out of your way
With your reflection in the bank's tinted window
Jabbering to yourself as if you are a lunatic
Tossing your arms around as if your gestures matter
To the person in his cubicle on the other side of town
With his legs up on his desk and the speaker cranked to eleven
He's real cool too with his asbestos ventilation system
The taxi driver was going to honk
But he suddenly realized you were only demented
Next they'll whirrrrrr a drill bit into your skull
Implant the damned thing right into your brain
You know that day is coming, honey
You'll cough and that will call Harpo Studios
You'll burp to get wobbly-legged Alyce
She'll be bounced off a satellite like a brown ping-pong ball
You'll sneeze to call your new lesbian lover
Long distance from San Francisco, all part of the plan
Unlimited nighttime and weekend bullshit
As long as you work your ass off to pay for it
And when you hear a ringing in your ears
You'll wonder only for a moment if it is me
Then you will remember that it couldn't be
You never gave me your number
Relieved, you will wiggle your nose like Bewitched
To find out what canned voice is in your mind this time
Oh, but I mistake you for someone who once took the time to meet me
In the first place
Let's get something straight, little miss consumer
I've changed my mind, I don't like you
And I don't like your cell phone
I am not impressed by it
I want to take it and make you smell it
Hang it from your nose off your glass stud
Once a symbol of rebellion now a fashion statement
I want to grab it out of the grasp of your neon fingernails
Hold it in my fist and yell at the top of my lungs
Don't you know half of your conversation is happening
In the grocery store over a box of tampons
Don't you know we're trying to eat our bagels
Or have a peaceful moment in the park
Without discovering what time is the next showing of Chicken Little
I don't have a clue what you've been talking about
But it seems to have something to do with anal warts
And it has gone on and on with high heels stomping
Through the halls of justice and into the bathroom stall
She didn't even wash her hands before stepping outside
Her magic plastic pinned between her shoulder and jaw
Crossing the street to the Walgreens without pausing for breath
Her elbow pointed at the honking horns
I don't like her!
And I don't like her cell phone, not in the slightest
I want to duct tape it to an Indiana rocket
Send it across a field of hay into the mysterious woods
There's no cross on your tiny contraption
It's not fat sitting Indian style smelling incense
So why are you worshipping it's glowing screen
Because it plays Ben Folds Five into your crack
Because it reminds you of the original Star Trek
Because for the moment it makes you
You, an insignificant peon, a lipstick dot within a million fucked up faces,
Feel important
Get over it already
Don't you know you traded your humanity in for your chatterbox
It is the pod that fell from space and took over your body
You'd sign a new contract before the good Samaritan calls
You're breaking my heart with your sick cell phones
All of you, an entire generation lost in the chaos of microwaves
So stick it in your crotch and wait for it to vibrate
Lay it on your pillow next to your dreams at night
Write it a love letter, give it a leather coat for Christmas
Pull out the antenna and point it at the blinking red light
What is so important that it has to be hashed out
Right there in the line at Waldenbooks
Or as you flash by eighty miles per hour on the Dan Ryan
Your entire world has been digitized
Encoded and sent into the clouds by your fifty grams of accessories
A wireless vortex sucking out your human soul
I was right there besides you
You were suppose to discover me
Our eyes were suppose to meet
We were suppose to talk about ourselves, in person
Exchange the numbers to our landlines
Fall in love
Have children
Or at least become good friends
Or at the very least have a moment, maybe one lousy fucking second
During which we acknowledge each other's existence
But no
Instead you were blabbering into your cell phone
And though I was hearing you
I was not even here to you
So I changed my mind
Because I'm getting a strong signal here
And it says pursuing you would be like asking to be an object
I'd be flipped open and you'd harp directions into my gut
You'd make me feel like my lithium ion is worth more than my mind
And when my battery goes dead I'd be useless to you
Traded in for the new model
Maybe a stiff black one so effortlessly disco
Until then you'll press my buttons, expect me to listen to your gossip
Dribble and spit all over me and force me to remember all your numbers
I won't be your cell phone, baby,
So don't think you can shove my manhood into your cigarette lighter
Or invite me onto the sticky bed of your dashboard
Because I don't like you or your cell phone
And I've already got enough hang-ups

Instructions On How To Dump A Nice Guy

So you realized you are not in love with him
Wait until he is most vulnerable before you leave him
Even if that takes several years
The good news is he's a nice guy
So he won't put up much of a fight
Sabotage his every effort to please you
Contradict everything he believes in
Play mind games on him until he is dysfunctional
Until he is mad with confusion but still loves you
Better that he is weak and useless
There will be fewer struggles when you become cocky
Like a beaten puppy he'll escort you to the airport
Whimpering when it is time for you to screw him
There can be no mercy when it comes to your freedom
Dump him as if he is nothing but a tapeworm
But first you must turn his brain into silly mush
Refuse to take a shower before sitting on his face
Then tell him he's a selfish lover
Cheat on him while he's doing charity work
Call the cops on him when he's in need of medical care
Tell internal affairs what a jerk he is
Borrow money for a lawyer but refuse to testify
Get drunk when he stops drinking for you
Do not by any means acknowledge that he has repented
Tell him it's because he couldn't bag groceries
Take my advice and slowly chip away at his self-esteem
Declare to him that it is a class thing
Tell him it's because he didn't file for bankruptcy
Tell him that it has to do with differences of height
That your parts don't fit together right
Tell him to go see a psychiatrist
Demand that he go see the Cabrini Green pathologist
Tell him you don't like his attitude toward professionals
Hint that he's not the benefactor of your insurance
Make him wonder why that subject was brought up
Rob him of hope without directly saying it
Piss all over him and then tell him it's raining
Tell him it's his fault for not having an umbrella
Tell your mother it's just more of the same when he's weeping
Tell your cat daddy's only boss for a few more days
When you are laughing on the phone while his heart is breaking
Make sure there are no blunt objects in the room
Even nice guys can snap from time to time
Tell him you don't think his dreams are important
Take off your nipple ring and demand a middle class life
Fraternize with those who are out to get him
Remark about it in encrypted innuendos
If he knows what you're doing call him paranoid
When he wonders about your motives call him a conspiracy theorist
Invite his friends to sleep on your new floor
But don't extend that invitation to him
If he doesn't host your party invite his enemy to do so
Videotape the entire thing with his camera
Make love to him then say he raped you
Inquire about the whereabouts of the sex tapes
Read to him about a man fucked to death by a horse
Tell him you feel like his mother
Tell him his housework was creepy
When he inquires if he'll ever talk to you again
Ask him if it is okay if you don't want to
Do you see how that works
You're cutting him down but asking his permission to do so
Ask him how you would look with a tattoo on your lower back
If he doesn't respond with the words trailer trash
You have him by the hairy balls
You can now do whatever you want to him
Sing songs of liberation as if he is your jailer
Blame him for your own appearance on TV
Go to the water park and criticize the fake palm trees
Tell him he should have played with your asshole more often
Get him to call you a cunt by acting like a cunt
Question whether or not he can handle it
Make him help you move out of there
And then thank him by spending the night somewhere else
Of course it's his fault because he called you a cunt
Hurt him so badly that he wants to kill himself
And then say I told you to see a psychiatrist
Tell him how worried you are as you stick the knife in
Pop three different pills and smoke some pot and call him an alcoholic
Only get wet for him after telling him you are leaving him
Kiss him passionately to show him what he'll be missing
That'll screw his brain up I guarantee
Tell him his pain is biologically impossible
Blame him for the weight you put on over and over
Use Buddhism as a justification for divorcing him
Whatever you do don't tell him the truth
Tell him half-truths that make his hair stand on end
Make him think that you are afraid of him
That way he will blame himself for your lies
He will be forever tormented in a cloud of mystery
He will believe that he is a bad human being
Act so cold he'll think you were hypnotized
Put the cheapest dollar amount on your betrayal that you can muster
If he accepts your offer, you are free to torture him some more
Tell him you're sorry that his family is so strange
Make cruel remarks about his childhood
You can take cheap shots now that he's a middle-aged lobotomy
Make him pay the price once again in his life
Tell him he's invited to go live with your dad
Deny that you have the problem
Never ever tell him what happened to you
Never ever tell him why you are the way you are
Give him a book of Bukowski instead
The book of new poems published ten years after the author's death
Say let's be friends
Get on a jet plane and don't call him until the end of September
And when you finally do, tell him you've been invited to a party
Make him feel guilty for hanging up on you
Write him an email and admit that you were never in love with him
Ask for his forgiveness
And then never speak to him again

Wicker Heart

What has happened to my wicker heart
It's not the same as it used to be
Years ago it was so dangerous
It played by no one's rules indeed
But you knew you could always trust it
Knew it would be there in your time of need
You stood outside in the darkness
Looking through its murky window
It was seedy but ever so real
Inside its brightly lit interior
You saw familiar faces waving you in
A dozen free newspapers piled by the pulmonary
You nursed your warm drink for hours in my chest
And nobody cleared a throat loudly
Nobody charged you a corkage fee
There was a nitty gritty ambience
Without the eye splitting glow of laptop screens
Artwork hung from the arteries
And the beat was steady, amplified by the scene
But today an intrusive cardiac catheterization
Reveals it to be quite the chic thing
Smelling of Lysol with its circulation taxed
Gray transparent couples can be seen in the x-ray
Afraid to speak up and absent of personality
Sitting upright at their tables the size of wafers
They have paid more for their glasses of blood
Than I have for everything in my stomach this week
They won't turn to acknowledge you're out there
Not that you'd want to join their party of sleep
They are frozen in their jail with gold bars
Sometimes this pump is called an Asian restaurant
Not Chinese Japanese Korean or Thai
Just Asian African or European
My has my heart been sterilized
Robbed of its culture excitement and architecture
Its history white washed, its armpit shaved
The nostalgia of its longing has been torn away
The cavern it sits in worth more than the structure
The ventricles go for half a million these days
After the developers perform a triple bypass
Install a fancy pace maker and rename it Buck
Now the valves only open for a button on a dashboard
The love that once ached like a black hole
Has been replaced by cinder blocks and designer rails
Believe me the coyote has stopped howling in there
The superior vena cava never crosses paths with the inferior
Under my nipples yuppies swarm like fire ants
Where do they come from, these wealthy invaders
They are not children of the Haymarket
They are not offspring of my tricuspid workers
Nor brothers of my mitral police
They just want to stamp out my memories of loss
But don't mind urinating in my septum
After a long night lung hopping and wasting their cash
Wallpaper my auricles with their hundred dollar bills
There was once anarchy amongst the white blood cells
They set up shop in my aorta and held free classes
They raised enough hell I thought I'd have a stroke
Plastered flyers all over my veins
Lump in my throat and lump in my brain
But in the end it all became pointless
They gave up on my fist-sized muscle
Finally had to admit that it was a lost cause
Packed up and moved to my urethra
Where they discovered a system with more balls
A canal filled with lampreys, closer to my socks
There is no room for poetry in my heart anymore
The only colors are found at American Apparel
Sammy's nightly stabbing has become Cafe Absinthe
The complex guilt shoved to the side and fictionalized
The words were once heard from my ribs on Tuesday night
Do you remember when you fought the blockage
Huddled in the hot house when they tried to trim the weeds
Those days were filled with so much cardiology
Those were the days when you were inside of me
Before abnormal rhythms and congestive failure
You called me home and my chocolates were assorted
Oh won't you set my wicker heart free

Paybacks Are A Bitch

Revenge is a hoot
It takes quite a bit of determination
It takes a lot of organization
Planning and foresight
But it is most fulfilling
Especially if you pull it off
Never let anyone get away with anything
If some jerk cuts in front of you
Don't pull up beside him and whip him the finger
That's not revenge
I bet he gets that finger five times a day
It won't even faze him
You might as well be waving an asparagus spear
Instead act like you didn't even notice
And then follow him from a distance
If he lives in the city most likely he'll park on the street
Wait until he's inside and his light goes dim
Then walk up to his Mazda with the key to your mailbox
Scratch scumwad asshole prick across the entire driver's side
Squirt superglue into all the silver slots
Pour your can of Sprite into his gas tank
Miles Thirst says show him your motto
Waiting in your car at the end of the block is optional
When the sun comes up you can watch him stop, drop his jaw
He'll look around stupidly but you'll be hunched low
That'll teach him not to cut you off
If he has a garage that's another story
You might consider buying some spray paint from Menards
Some honey with a plastic basket at the Jewel food store
Takes the best avocado out of the pile
You wanted that one for your guacamole
All the others are either too soft or too hard
Don't cause a scene, be a gentleman
Tip your hat and say afternoon ma'am
Wait in line behind her and peek at her preferred card
Go online to find her address if you can
There are many ways to break and enter
If I explain them I'll incriminate my ass
Sneak inside when she's out with her boyfriend
Put Icy Hot in her tube of toothpaste
Put Nair in her bottle of shampoo
Put a pregnant cockroach in her cabinet
If she owns a dildo you know what to do
When the phone rings avoid the temptation
To answer it and to say that she's busy
Can't talk, got something of yours in her mouth
Take your avocado out of her refrigerator
And enjoy its meat right down to the pit
Replace it with the brown one you had to purchase
That's what she gets for taking your shit
Let's say someone sneezes on you in a bar
You think it's butter but it's snot
Nod and take it as if you are the bigger man
You might even want to say bless you or gazoontite
Sit with him and pretend he's your buddy
Buy him a drink; listen to his sob stories
Slip him a mickey and take him for a ride
There are several options on north Lincoln at your disposal
Make sure you use his ID when you register
Plop him on the bed that has crack holes burned into it
Toss some porno magazines onto his chest
It'll cost you a few dollars but it is totally worth it
Spill a bag of heroin all over the desk
Now go to a pay phone and report the disturbance
Some poor woman screaming at the top of her lungs
Coming from Room 211 at the Patio Motel
Better break down the door it seems quite urgent
That'll teach that bastard to buy a hanky
And aim away from you when it comes time to blow
Don't you see they are all out to get you
They are all plotting to take you down
They think they are wise because you can't prove it
Well what do you need proof for after all
It is safe to say that if you deal with each of them
Target anyone who is even likely to be involved
The guilty party will be among them
Better get them before you take the fall
The scale of the conspiracy against you is baffling
So your rebuttal must be just as profound
Get out the blueprints
Experiment with a bullhorn
Buy a decent gas mask
From the Navy surplus store
Learn about wiring
Memorize all the numbers
Practice staircase running
Crawl between ceiling and floor
Time it with a stopwatch
Be a disguise master
You'll need an intimate knowledge
Of how the demon dances
Perform a dress rehearsal
Involve unwitting partners
Phone in misinformation
And then listen to them mourn

I admit it

There is a better way to deal with this
And it will keep you out of prison
It's not quite as evil
But this is how it works
Take a good look at yourself in the mirror
Especially in times of anger
You are as batty as a belfry
You are one fucking paranoid hate bag
If you can admit it, you will need to do none of the above
You will learn how to laugh at yourself instead
And use your imagination as your weapon
The only action you have taken is a rant
You can now deal with matters of the heart with your art
Apply for a government grant

What An Asshole

It's a big-lipped nosey midget
With a hollow core door for a voice
It's a bald headed centipede
Delivering its pile of words
It's a forty thousand dollar education
With the keys left in the ignition
It's a father who hides in an igloo
Rather than turn the ice to water
It's an Oklahoma Cutthroat Finch
Posting insults under a pseudonym
It's a gold ring never purchased
Left under the bulletproof glass
It's a crony on his big bench
Smiling the crack of death
It's a burglar asleep in church
Who never returns with the goods
It's a tortoise without a shell
With a thick New England accent
It's an angel in a tuxedo
Who has never heard of inflation
It's a jarred pickled pig's foot
That teaches how to hate
It's a series of ones and zeros
That disappears with all the templates
It's a university dentist
Who demands a cashier's check
It's an inconspicuous nerd
Accepting the signature on morphine
It's a pockmarked plaster cast
Smashing windows and slashing tires
It's a gay cyber lover
Who disappears with all the cash
Its two hydraulic pistons
Crushing the world into a small block
It's a role model on formaldehyde
Sitting on the balloon until it pops
It's the master and commander
Wielding his mighty mop
It's the mother of a monkey
Selling paint to kids on the corner
It's a vowel among the consonants
With archival paper in its ears
It's a Catholic civil servant
Worshipping a number two pencil
It's an immigrant's eyebrow
Shaking bone chips from the tarp
It's a fish head on newsprint
Asking favors from the blood
It's a set of yellow teeth
Soliciting the painted flesh
It's a scratched vinyl record
Its cover floating in the wake
It's a plastic doll's head
That doesn't forgive and doesn't forget

The Bipolar Express

There are times
When I can't muster the courage
To put my socks on
So don't talk to me about starting a career
Don't offer me a settlement
For my damned Best Buy card
I am certainly not a candidate for your low interest rate
In the long run I'm the opposite end of the magnet
Normality is spoken like a foreign word
There is something electrical lingering in remission
I don't have the reigns on that horse
I'm trying to avoid it like the avian plague
Every automated dialer attracted to my phone
Malfunctioning once it is wired to my ear
A series of beeps, silence or static
It all boils down to a sick symbolic script
It's during those moments when my euphoria crashes
My hope is a cue ball dropping to my knees
Things get zapped
Files get corrupted
Lives are ruined
Fires are combusted
Everything I love disintegrates at my touch
And once again I am lonely and abused
I was out in the storm
In nothing but my bathrobe
Never felt more alive than among the lightning
Nothing more inspiring than when things go boom
I want to hang on to it like a jingling chain
If only I could ride this wave without it rolling
I would float up and everyone would point
At the salesman with the haircut and the thick briefcase
Sitting in a stranger's living room with his bag of tricks
Confidence singing with strategy and closing
I once told this realm to pay me, it obeyed
But now the spirit harnessed is far and few
Cut down from months to days, hours, now minutes
So it's back to the four walls to snot up another towel
Cursing at god and praying to be an atheist
Blaming everyone who couldn't stomach it
How dare they escape the wrath of my curse
Shoving the half pint into my liver
So that I can wake at four a.m. with it in my intestines
Like so much sand and so many worms
My cause and effect all scrambled and peppered
The wee hours not allowing me to lie
To suppress what happened when I was seventeen
Twenty-three years ago when I felt the same way
And the TV blew out in front of my face
Everything I feel good about falls victim
From a mangled ghost to a stiff dead dog
In my wake the places I've been vanish
Feral will power versus Romanian witches
With constant urination and a nasty toothache
There are times when a footstep terrorizes me
So how can you expect me to follow up on a lead
Plan for the future or keep my promises
The floor below my feet drops for the hangman
Every stimulus in my body working overtime
Switching gears
Until the microscopic sparks have a chain reaction
Something in the grand scheme of things clicks
Your pillowcase of candy gets swiped from your grip
You're walking bow legged to blow out the candles
The memory is energy and you have to release it
With a ping and a flash the filament blows
Pour hot water on ice and listen to it crack
That fault is not confined to its eggshell skull
When the emotions start rumbling everyone is in danger
To fill the gaping hole in my heart a hurricane must form
Do not take offense if I can't watch the penguins
Now it is time to embrace the void
Hoping that if nothing happens, nothing will happen
How vain we are to think we're in control


Daddy gives some ice cream
Daddy says it's all right
Daddy has a phone book
Daddy's glad the grip's tight
Daddy beats you for nothing
Daddy works until midnight
Daddy doesn't want to wipe you
Daddy and Mommy fight
Daddy he plays Santa
Daddy says go to bed
Daddy invites the neighbors
Daddy's sick in his head
Daddy shows some pictures
Daddy takes you to the pool
Daddy plays some movies
Daddy says you know what to do
Daddy has a disco record
Daddy where's the Easter basket
Daddy goes to the Spectrum
Daddy asks can you handle it
Daddy moves into a trailer
Daddy keeps a lot of secrets
Daddy has to confess it
Daddy thinks you don't believe it
Daddy brings home strangers
Daddy black eyed out cold
Daddy puts you in danger
Daddy's getting old
Daddy runs so far away
Daddy not so fast
Daddy had a big dick
Daddy's dead at last

Fuck The Truth

Hi there
Now that I have your attention
Allow me to point out that I am single
And available
They say the best way to start a relationship
Is with the truth
You can see what happens when I tell the truth
Just look at the poetry that I've written
When I start telling the truth
Blood starts splattering and bones start breaking
And next thing
You don't know whether to laugh or cry
I'm sure my truths have made you feel something
But turned onówell, that probably doesn't describe it
So allow me to take a different approach
Fuck the truth
That's right, I said fuck the truth
Forget everything that I have written so far
And allow me to begin this relationship
As honestly as I know how
With the admission
That all the promises I'm about to make
Are big fat ass motherfucking lies
I promise to act my age
I promise to get a job
I promise to take care of my health
I promise to stop using Shake 'n Bake
I swear on a stack of Bibles
I won't sit around all day
In nothing but my housecoat
Surfing internet porn on dogpile
And scratching my smelly balls
While you slave at work
To pay all the bills
And then bitch at you
When you buy a new pair of boots
I will not by any means smoke up all your pot
And then argue irrationally
With the teenage girl
Behind the counter at McDonalds
About how many hot mustards
I should get with my McNuggets
Or exit out the front door
Shouting fuck all you cocksuckers
False advertising! False advertising!
I promise I will not masturbate
Wipe myself clean with your shirt
And then toss it on the floor for you to pick up
I will not get drunk at an art gallery
Lose my mind completely
Attack you with the rear view mirror
Argue with the police
Kick out the window of their squad car
Get sent to the hospital
And while I am writhing in pain
Strapped down with restraints
Blame you for letting me drive
Won't blame you that I'm still alive
Won't blame you for the voices in my head
Under no circumstances
Will I blow a sexy man
Just to be clear
And so that there are no misunderstandings
In these important, early days of our relationship
When I say the word "blow"
I'm specifically referring to putting a penis
Between these lips that you will kiss
Sucking on it, licking it
Making suction cup noises
Until this totally hypothetical sexy man groans
That is what will never happen
I want to make that crystal clear
I will be a good father
I will be a good husband
I have complete respect for authority
I will not force you to see all the Kung Fu movies
I will not blubber through Bridges of Madison County
I will listen to you read
Never will I be compulsive
The unsuspecting words of a local poet
Won't offend me so much
That I launch a full-scale nuclear poetry war
From your computer nonetheless
And then use your email account
To send phony email messages terrorizing the victim
I will take life seriously
I will not invent cartoon enemies just for the fun of it
I will join the real world
I will go to all your friends' social gatherings
I will not threaten to kick the teeth out of my own friends
In a Puerto Rican restaurant
I will not accuse you of sleeping with every man you know
I will pursue a career that will enable us
To fulfill all our dreams together
I will not eat garlic olives and then try to French you
I will not lay the guilt trip on
When you won't let me lick your ass
I will not fall asleep the moment after I cum
But if I do I promise not to snore
I will not fantasize that you are Gilligan's Mary Ann
I will not strut around like the king of the poetry world
Even though you know I am
There will be peace and quiet in our household
No artwork will get smashed
I will not hold conversations with wrong numbers
I will not hit on phone solicitors
I will not tell the bill collectors to go fuck themselves
I won't shout curse words at my customers
I won't holler kiss my ass at the gangbangers
I will develop close relationships with others of my own age
Invite them over
Go out with them once in a while
In other words I'll have friends
I will never scratch my asshole
Then make you smell my fingers
I realize that is not funny
I promise to pay all my taxes
I promise to clean up all my bad credit
Never will you have to come home
To find the license plate off the car and on the desk
I will not make the cat hiss
I won't pee in the shower
I know how much that would bother you
And we have to get along
When we go to see your folks
I'll pay for my own ticket
And I will always have some money
Buy the dinner for a change
Say no I insist
It's all on me
And even leave the tip
I will not be morbid
I will not believe all my nightmares are going to come true
I will not walk around in a constant state of deja vu
I will listen when you have something to say
I will remember your birthday
I will remember our anniversary
I will remember your phone number at work
I will never shout at you
I will read books
At least a few besides The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich
I will have conversations
I will love you the same no matter what you do to your hair
Never ever will I accuse you of cursing me
Or jinxing me
Or getting in my way
You won't have to lend me money
So that I can buy you a Chanukah present
I'm assuming that you're Jewish
I won't commandeer your ATM card
And spend it all renting Playstation games
I give you my word
I am not in constant search of a 23 year old
Who looks like an 18 tear old
And acts like a 13 year old
I know that describes you
And all of those before you
But that's just coincidence
You are all quite mature
I won't make you dress up like Velma from Scooby Doo
Make you take everything off except your glasses and your shoes
That has never happened and it never will
I promise never to try to get you to smoke cocaine
I promise never to get you to drop acid
That looks like a purple contact lens
But if you do
I promise not to complain
When it takes you eight hours to peak
I will not steal all your father's oxycodone
I will not pocket handfuls of Merlin's Darvon
Take them in ridiculous numbers
Until I'm nodding and by all rights dead
I promise my family is normal
We have calm, loving get-togethers
Where we all hug and talk intelligently
Play Uno without arguing
They even eat with a knife and a fork
And my stepfather is not a racist
I promise I'm completely normal
I promise it will be completely typical
I promise not to be cynical
But most of all I give you my solemn word
That if you ever leave me
For some gross little man
Without a truthful bone in his body
I will not write poetry about you
All these things I promise to you
Do you see what a perfect partner I'd make
So come and be my lover
Let's begin this passionate romance
The right way
Fuck the goddamn truth

"Fear of Poets" has been offered to the public free of charge. If you would like to support the work of this author, buy his non-poetry title, Disco Hypnotic, click here.

If you would like to visit the sub-conscious, click here.

C. J. performed two of his "Fear of Poets" poems for the first time in public at Weeds on Monday, November 14.

The poetry put the place in a weird mood.

Note: Recently I felt like screaming. But you can't just go around screaming. So instead I decided to scream onto the page. During the course of two weeks I held ten sessions during which I allowed myself to write with complete abandon. Usually I am very careful in the selection of the words for my poetry, but this time I decided to allow the words to scream out of me with absolutely no self-censorship. The result was a series of poems called FEAR OF POETS. Are you ready to face your fears? Includes a link to the entire San Freedom series.

WARNING: Fear of Poets contains language that is intended for a mature audience.

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