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spacer.gif   Jeanne Miller
Posted by : cj on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 04:55 PM
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Poetry:  Click On The Author's Name
Years Before I Was Born

My mother died
years before I was born,
(from absence of touch) so
I learned to touch myself

practiced
chasing hopes
down rabid holes
filled with muddy sorrows
scared tomorrow…s

Didn’t dream at all
Slept eyes open
making lists of men
I would not marry

cast aways
sea urchins
returned to unnatural habitats
sunken misfortunes
lying among broken flasks
wearing identical masks
of my father…s

carrying that burden
drowned crab legs in melted butter
stuttered
the wrong name
while stabbing me
to sheets that reek

walked with a slight tip forward or
smiled too much
friendly with women
liked to touch
when I wasn’t ready
which was alway…s

why
can’t I feel

My mother died years before I was born
to die
so why can’t I
be real outside ink
drink lemonade
from stained glass mugs
hold hands without pain-
ful reminders
Death hugs
with baby blanket clarity

my mother died
this way

open
to love
that wore scalpels for acrylic tips
carving lines in her chest
blood memory
lingers rips
each caress
a monogram
as blades ride
human carousels
killing this woman
I knew so well
who
died years before
I was not born

carrying me
delicately untorn
from her tomb
womb
in soft pink blanket
Death crocheted
with tiny hands

saving tears
for me
to shed later
as skin
on her behalf

carefully

I sift through sand
searching for patterns in
grains of man
finding
woman between my fingers

…and her taste
lingers on my tongue




 
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