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spacer.gif   Carla Stillwell
Posted by : cj on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 04:29 PM
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Members' Posting Pool Into the Naked Air

Head hanging down
between my legs
I try to sort out
the confusion
I have no
gravitational pull
inside myself
and everything
everyone
in my life is
free floating
around me
and I can't
sort it out

The why did
and the what now's
and the how come's
and the why me's
holding my head
trying not to die
right here in this
very spot
because
if I die here
who will be present to
mark my passing

But the shame
and rage
and hurt
and
are enough to
kill me
right here
in this very spot
How I did
I
Me
I
come to this

I raise my head
and force myself
to assess the
the black vacuous
hole of
nothingness
that is
encompassing
my world

In this deep
whole of
nothing
a heavy
oppressive
nothing
I feel very very
small
and I struggle
not to die

In this
the bleakest
moment in my
existence
It
washes over me

I can't explain
exactly what
this great

It
is but
It
takes over
and I speak
aloud

The way
Sister Rosemary
taught me
to say it in
the 1st grade

The way
the Buddhist
taught me to
say it when
I stopped believing
in the way the
Catholics
said it

The way
my Mother
told me to
say it when
I stopped believing
in all the other
ways to say it
and she thought
I was ready to
hear
the simple
truth that
everybody
is really saying
it the same thing


I speak
my request
my questions
my anger
At/Too/About
God/Him/Me/It
into the naked air

I scream
and the
black vacuous
hole of
nothingness
clears and
the weight
of oppression
lifts
and I see
beauty

Not just
some simple beauty
masking
the ugly
I see pure
pink/red/yellow/white
rose
beauty

Then
It
washes over me
It
loves me
It
holds me

It
feels me
It
saves me



 
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